


Uncle Luci's Horrible Misadventure(s)

by SK_Kasai



Series: PromptSmiles [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, LuciferLockDown, Post-Devil Face Reveal to Chloe Decker, Post-Season/Series 04, PromptSmiles, Uncle Luci
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai
Summary: “He loves his uncle.” The Detective informed him, the “duh” heavily implied in her words. She was staring at him again, the intensity in her deep eyes making his mouth dry.She coached him, gently transferring the little bundle of terror into his arms. The Detective adjusted his hold on the spawn, telling him to do this with his hand and that with his other one. After a lot of shifting and wiggling (on his part more than on his nephew’s; to Lucifer’s never-ending shame), he was holding the fledgling in a position that was more comfortable.He was staring at Lucifer intently, dark eyes unfathomable. Lucifer gulped and reached with a tentative finger, tickling the boy’s pudgy chin. He erupted in another fit of giggles, seemingly on top of the world.It wasn’t too hard. Wow.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Trixie Espinoza & Lucifer Moningstar
Series: PromptSmiles [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671241
Comments: 21
Kudos: 191
Collections: Prompts for Smiles





	Uncle Luci's Horrible Misadventure(s)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mm2305](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm2305/gifts).



> Hello again, everyone! I hope you're all healthy and safe...
> 
> This is another part of the "Prompts for Smiles" project by the awesome NotOneLine. Basically, if you have any Lucifer prompt that you'd like to see written, just let us know and we'll do our best to write it. You can comment your prompt, let us know privately, or submit it to: https://twitter.com/NotOneLineFF/status/1241071297930690563
> 
> This is a prompt I got on tumblr from the amazing @mm2305: "Post s4, established Deckerstar, family time Luci/Trixie/Charlie/Chloe..."
> 
> I hope you like it!

Lucifer Morningstar might not be the King of Hell any more, but he surely wasn’t a measly human.

He was far more superior, on more levels than he could possibly count (some more important than others, as he would be quick to point out to anyone “unfortunate” enough to be listening)

He’d seen humans manage to take care of their… offspring. The question was; why couldn’t he, _Satan_ himself, take care of his brother’s half-human spawn?

As he stared at the offspring crying his tiny dark eyes out, Lucifer suddenly understood why so many hell loops had variants of the same baby-themed nightmare.

He wouldn’t stop crying!

“You’re supposed to hold him.” A voice said, its owner plopping down on the couch beside him, “Rock him.”

He turned to face Beatrice, a slightly older spawn, and groaned.

“I am rocking him!” He emphasized, holding the baby at arm’s length, “I tried rocking him. I tried everything I’ve seen on TV mostly and he wouldn’t stop crying!”

“Maybe he’s hungry?” The urchin suggested.

Lucifer shook his head, pointing to the bottle discarded on the ground by the coffee table, “Tried that.”

“Needs a change?”

“A change?” Lucifer echoed, puzzled.

“His diaper.” She clarified, struggling to contain a giggle.

“His diaper.” Lucifer repeated, turning a shade paler, regarding the baby’s bottom with wide, horrified eyes.

He was supposed to know how to change a diaper…? With offspring excrement in it…?

What had possessed him to agree to this?!!

“I don’t think he needs it though.” The urchin comforted him, gesturing to take the baby from Lucifer’s trembling hands.

He handed the nephilim over as if he were some hot coal or a bomb designated to go off any second. She grinned at his antics, cradling the wailing baby in her arms and holding him close to her chest. She shushed him, muttering ridiculous, gooey nonsense and rubbing his tiny back.

She looked like she was doing something right at least.

“How are you good at this?” Lucifer questioned, eyes full of wonder.

“Sarah has a baby sister.” The urchin explained, “We like playing with her. She’s really cute.”

“I cannot even begin to explain the magnitude of preposterous lies in your statement, spawn.” Lucifer huffed, “Who would want to spend time with these things?!! And cute?!! I know cute and _this_ , I can assure you, is _not_ cute.”

“They’re _people_ , Lucifer.” She rolled her eyes in the way all Decker women seemed to share, “Not things. And they _are_ cute!”

“All they do is leak fluids.” Lucifer wrinkled his nose, “How can something even leak so many fluids and still exist is beyond me.”

The tiny spawn was still crying.

Although he hated remembering hell in any way, shape, or form, Lucifer was sure that the screams of the damned sounded far better than this. The constant wailing… His nephew’s scrunched up face and flailing miniscule arms… They made something twist and tighten in Lucifer’s chest, emanating considerable discomfort through out his entire body. He did not like it, whatever it was, one bit.

“Maybe he wants you to sing him a lullaby.” The urchin suggested, looking at him with earnest eyes.

“I don’t think he’s aware of any of his desires at the moment.” Lucifer stated, “Don’t tiny offsprings need more time for their brains to… grow or something?”

The urchin didn’t say anything, giving him a grin that had the words “silly devil” emblazoned on every line of it. She’d perfected that grin throughout the years, making it one of his favourites despite his insistence that the devil could not possibly even exist in the same dimension as silliness. The deviant had quickly pointed out that silliness existed in their dimension and so did he, giving him a mischievous smirk and declaring him the “King of All Things Silly”.

Sometimes, in the darkest, deepest corners of his mind and soul, Lucifer would almost admit that he was missing all his ridiculous conversation with the girl when she had been younger. They still talked a lot and it had its own brand of endearing, but it wasn’t the same.

However, although he’d dealt with a weeping Beatrice Espinoza before, she’d always been able to express the reason of her discomfort. It would take some coaxing occasionally, but she wasn’t this tiny and breakable and a practically different… everything. Well, she was, but really…

Ugh.

This was _hopeless._

“You just want to hear me sing a ridiculous children song, don’t you?” He narrowed his eyes at her.

“You have a most lovely voice.” She grinned, imitating his accent. Oh, she was getting good at it too… The cheek of her! Had she not been holding a breakable, squishy mini-person who weighed less than a sack of bloody potatoes, Lucifer would have probably thrown a cushion at her or something.

“You love singing, Lucifer.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “I'm sure lullabies are included there somewhere. You sing at every chance you get! Mom says you break into song during their murder investigations!”

“That only happened… a few times.” Lucifer finished lamely.

“You sing in the shower, loudly by the way.” The urchin listed, “You sing while making breakfast, cooking in general… You sing when we go out on drives or along to all my favourite Disney movies because-”

“I do not!” Lucifer exclaimed, horrified.

His loud tone seemed to make the half-angel cry harder. Figures.

“Charlie can’t tell anyone.” She pointed out, “Don’t worry.”

“The devil does not worry!” He crossed his arms, huffing in indigence.

“He pouts like a four-year-old though.”

“Detective!” Lucifer exclaimed, jumping off the couch, “You have come to save me, my dearest darling!”

He rushed over to his girlfriend with more excitement than what was probably appropriate for a being of his age and power.(But she was his girlfriend!!! Wasn’t he the luckiest devil to ever walk the earth? The entire bloody universe!)

He gave her a brief peck on the lips, hugging her close to him. She’d only been gone for less than an hour to sign some form that she had forgotten to sign yesterday (due to his distractions)… but he’d missed her. He missed her every second she was away from him, silly as that was.

The Detective hugged him back, a little bit shocked by his urgency, but saying nothing about it. She simply gave him the comfort he was seeking, running a hand through his hair and down his neck to finally rest it at his lower back. She remained close to him, somehow sensing that he needed the closeness even more than she did. 

_His brilliant Detective… His kind, loving, perfect Detective..._

“The devil does not pout though.” He reminded her, blinking as he remembered what she’d said.

She just snorted, swatting his upper arm playfully.

He finally looked up from where he had been lost in her gorgeous blue eyes, almost startled to see that the urchin was next to them, hugging her mother with the half-angel still in her arms. The Detective greeted her, all smiles. Lucifer felt himself relax even more.

“How long has Charlie been crying for?” She asked her daughter, taking him from her.

“Ten minutes or so.” The little girl supplied, leaning by the back of the couch.

“Ten minutes?” Lucifer sputtered, “He’s been wailing his tiny, slimey heart out for an eternity!”

Both women rolled their eyes at him, making him grin. He watched the Detective coo at the baby, holding him like an expert, and tickling his chin with her index finger.

“Why are you crying, sweetie?” 

“I think he just wants Lucifer to sing.” The urchin pipped up, “Lucifer is being shy though. No clue why.”

“Lucifer and shy.” Chloe snorted the same time he burst out with an “I’m not shy! I’ve never been shy in my entire existence!”

The Detective intertwined their fingers, leading him towards the couch. He swallowed thickly, his nails digging into the palm of his free hand. Why was he acting like this? Almost horrified at her not being by his side? Ever since his last return from hell, he’d been having bad days and moods of the sort, anxiety steering up in his chest for no good reason, making him itch to be close to his Detective just to make it lessen a bit. She was the perfect partner though, more atoned to his moods and needs and emotions than he could ever be…

She led him to the couch and they sat down. Miraculously, his nephew had quieted down just a bit, sniffling. Lucifer watched him burrow into the Detective’s chest, his little fist reaching over to hold her long, golden hair. She kept on muttering reassurances, rubbing the baby’s back, and bouncing him gently in her arms. Some kind of magic.

The urchin had settled by her mother, watching the exchange with fond, bright eyes.

How could people possibly find joy in screaming, fragile fledglings who couldn’t do anything for themselves?

“Do you want to hold him?” The Detective smiled, nudging him. The tiny offspring had stopped crying in the time that Lucifer spent lost in his own musings. He was snuggled up to Chloe’s chest, gurgling, leaking saliva all over her violet button-down.

Repulsive.

“What if he starts crying again?” Lucifer gulped, staring at the little monster with fearful eyes.

“Then you can learn how to comfort him!” She smiled again.

“Why on earth would I want to possess such knowledge?” The devil marvelled, “I am never going to make the mistake of agreeing to watch my oaf of a brother’s and Doctor Linda’s despicable little leaking larva ever again!”

“It can't hurt to learn, especially in case you and mom ever decide to have a baby, dummy.” The urchin suggested, eyes lit with mischief, “It would be good practice.”

Have a…

Have a what now…?

She…

Him and the…?

Have a…

_Him._

A father to…

Have a…

  
“I think I broke him.” The urchin sighed, sounding far away, reaching over to poke him in the cheek, “I’m only joking, Lucifer.”

Of course she was!

He couldn’t be a… father.

There. He’d thought it. Full sentence and everything. Doctor Linda would have been proud of him.

“Lucifer, babe? Are you okay?” The Detective ran a finger over his knuckles, their clasped hands serving to ground him.

“I’m fine.” He blinked, “Perfectly fine. Never been better!” He forced a smile, its width making his cheeks hurt, “What were you saying about holding the tiny half-human spawn, love?”

“Just a suggestion.” She smiled, but it was sad. _Bloody hell._ No! Couldn’t he do anything without causing his beloved Detective distress of one sort or the other?

“I-I’d like to try it.” He cleared his throat, “Even the urchin seems to understand the basics of herding fledglings. How hard can it be?”

She gave him another radiant smile, stroking his hand with hers before letting go. She turned towards him, steadying the baby with both of her hands. The spawn watched them both, pausing only once to check her phone. As for his nephew, his dark eyes seemed to only focus on Lucifer, pudgy fist reaching out and essentially punching him in the nose the moment he was back in the half-human’s limited line of sight and even more limited range of motion.

“He hates me!” Lucifer cried, a hand rising to cover his nose in a great display of on-brand Morningstar theatrics. His nephew laughed and bounced in the Detective’s grasp, his hand repeatedly reaching towards him. Lucifer shifted a bit farther, watching the miniscule fist with worried eyes.

“I think it means he likes you, Lucifer.” The urchin said, rolling her eyes at his ignorance but seemingly excited for… something? Sometimes, Lucifer wondered if he would ever understand her.

“How is punching someone in the nose a sign of liking them?” He scoffed, “You wouldn’t think that I like you if I punched you in the nose, spawn.”

“He’s a baby.” She clarified, as if her statement did anything to actually clarify matters to him, “You act like a baby a lot of the time, Lucifer, but at least you know better than punching people in the nose. Most of the time anyways. Charlie doesn’t.”

“Urchin!” He cried out, aghast.

“She does have a point.” The Detective giggled, “You do go around punching people sometimes.”

“Criminals!”

“Or unsuspecting suspects.” The Detective countered, “You’ve punched a lot of people before, babe.”

Lucifer scoffed again, crossing his arms as if that could somehow ward off the identical Decker eye rolls that he was receiving. 

“Do you still want to hold him?” The Detective asked. His nephew bounced in her arms, repeatedly reaching for him.

“Why is he so eager to get close to me?” Lucifer wondered, brow pinched. He extended his index finger towards the half-angel cautiously, as if afraid that the appendage would be bitten off or something.

The little boy’s fist closed around his finger, tugging at it as he giggled madly at who knows what. Lucifer regarded the spectacle with unconcealed befuddlement. Why was the spawn so happy with his finger? His fist was so tiny!

“He loves his uncle.” The Detective informed him, the “duh” heavily implied in her words. She was staring at him again, the intensity in her deep eyes making his mouth dry. 

She coached him, gently transferring the little bundle of terror into his arms. The Detective adjusted his hold on the spawn, telling him to do this with his hand and that with his other one. After a lot of shifting and wiggling (on his part more than on his nephew’s; to Lucifer’s never-ending shame), he was holding the fledgling in a position that was more comfortable.

He was staring at Lucifer intently, dark eyes unfathomable. Lucifer gulped and reached with a tentative finger, tickling the boy’s pudgy chin. He erupted in another fit of giggles, seemingly on top of the world.

It wasn’t too hard. Wow.

He turned to see the Detective and her daughter looking at him with a strange emotion in their eyes. Lucifer wrinkled his nose, unsure of the subtext they seemed to be reading in whatever was going on. Perhaps he ought to ask his lover later… or maybe he should wait for his next appointment with Doctor Linda?

He tickled the baby again, smiling himself. It felt… nice.

It _was_ nice.

Well, until his nephew decided to try and taste his finger.

Lucifer regarded the fledgling sucking on his finger with horror.

“Detective!!!” He exclaimed, panicked, “He’s… leaking all over me! Detective!”

She just laughed at his misery, allowing him to pass over the boy and rush to clean off the dribble on his finger. It was warm!

How could he have possibly smiled at that creature?!!

Thankfully, everything went smoothly from there. The spawn played with the tinier spawn. He held him again after much promoting (nagging) from his two favourite people in the universe. They played for a bit, his two humans teaching him different ways to “play” with babies. There were specific ways to play with the miniscule creatures. Who would have guessed?

As he played with the Nephilim, laughing despite himself, Lucifer wondered what had become of him. What would the heavenly host say if they say him like this, spending his time with offsprings and crawling on the floor to retrieve their favourite squishy toys?

The one constant in his life that he could think of was that he couldn't care less. Not when he was... happy.

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

A few hours later, Doctor Linda came over to pick up her son.

“Was Charlie any trouble?” She asked, taking him from the Detective’s hands.

“A perfect little angel.” The urchin supplied before her mother could open her mouth, smiling at the horrible description, somehow sad at the thought of her departure with his nephew, “No wings yet though.” She sighed, sullen.

“Amenadiel still has no idea when they’ll show up fully.” Linda smiled apologetically, “Not looking forward to it though.”

“Not looking forward to it?” The urchin gasped, “It will be awesome!”

Linda grinned, shaking her head.

“He’s such a sweet boy.” The Detective sighed, waving at the little boy.

“Sweet?” Lucifer huffed, unable to remain silent any longer, “He’s a little terror!”

“Lucifer!” The Detective admonished, scandalized.

“He tried to eat my finger, Detective!” Lucifer reminded her.

“Sorry, Linda.” The Detective apologized on his behalf, glaring at him with an exasperated thinning of her perfect lips. She failed to hide her amusement completely though. Lucifer grinned, feeling accomplished.

“I’m more than used to him by now.” Linda smiled, shaking her head again, “Say bye bye, Charlie!”

He gurgled something incomprehensible in their direction, arms flaying. The Detective and the urchin seemed to melt at the site of it, waving with their hearts evidently breaking.

What did members of the female species-and his annoying brother-find adorable about slobbering fledglings…? Lucifer didn’t think that he would ever understand it.

He wasn’t sure that he wanted to.

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

Later that night, he was lazily cuddling on the couch with the Detective, beyond ecstatic. She managed to make him happy without doing anything… They were just huddled up on the couch, occasionally talking, and Lucifer was sure that this moment would be added to his happiest ones.

_His amazing Detective…_

The spawn was asleep. He was certain that he was on his way to slumber with the way the Detective was stroking his hair and his face, relaxing him better than any drug or spell could.

“Lucifer?” She ventured, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, darling.” He sighed. For this treatment… Hell, the Detective already had control over him. Add in this and the devil was beyond gone for her…

“You don’t have to answer.” He could almost imagine her biting her lip, “Actually, you-”

“Anything, Detective.” He repeated, “Anything for you.”

“Is… is having children really that bad of an idea?” She queried, “With you. Us, I mean. I know that you don't believe it, but you’d make a great father... We need... Can we discuss it at least?”

Lucifer didn’t say anything for a long, long time. His mind worked and he wanted to talk, but he couldn’t. He was just… Frozen. _Shocked._

The Detective seemed to understand. The understanding that she had been showing him ever since he returned from hell was unbelievable. Perhaps she’d always understood, and he was just noticing it recently?

"Later then." She promised, "Whenever you're ready."

She coaxed him into her embrace more, if such a thing was possible. Lucifer tried to apologize, to make up an excuse for his foolishness. Instead of letting him talk, she just shushed him. Over and over again.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Lucifer.” She whispered, sad and broken, leaning in to kiss him with tenderness that made his heart bleed.

How could he not have something to apologize for?

He was being pathetic. Lucifer knew as much. The Detective deserved so much better. Someone who could answer he questions at the very least…

When he told her as much, she just shushed him again, promising to make him understand that he was worthy.

_Ha._

As if.

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

A week passed and Lucifer woke up all of a sudden in the middle of the night, shaking slightly. He didn’t know what he had been dreaming about exactly, but it was important. He couldn’t remember it despite how hard he tried.

He sighed and settled back down into the covers, his eyes automatically seeking the slumbering form of the Detective next to him. He smiled, certain that she must have rolled away from him at some point or the other during the night to escape his hellish warmth during this balmy, summer night.

As he looked at her though, golden hair almost glistening in the darkness and adorable face scrunched up she snored lightly… Lucifer figured it out.

He needed to talk to her.

The day spent with his nephew in the past week floated back to the forefront of his mind, bringing the conversation along with it. 

Lucifer had his answer!

He smiled, lips wobbling just the tiniest bit, before laying back down next to the love of his life.

The future had never seemed brighter to him in any of his almost infinite years.

**Author's Note:**

> So.…?
> 
> Tried to avoid angst and focus on fluff a bit more. We sure as hell need it...
> 
> If you're ever on Twitter:https://twitter.com/NerdQueen777?s=09


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